A theoryish clip from HP & the HalfBlood Prince
by Pyxi
Summary: After hearing the title for JKR's next book in the series, I soon began work on this parody blip that will most likely not resemble the actual book at all. Join Harry and some other half-blood guy in this exciting story about secret meetings and stuff!


There always seems the idea that HBP refers to a prince who is a half-blood, but when has royalty EVER been mentioned in the books? No where! Yet! There could be a secret society of half-bloods and there's a prince-figure at the head of it. Yep, this is out-there, but then so is the theory that Dudley is the prince. Pfft! Thus I present:  
  
_An imaginary selection from:_**  
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince**  
_(somewhere around the beginning/middle of the book...)_  
  
** Mysterious character** - Take this. _[hands card] _  
** Harry Potter** - What is this?   
** MC** - Read it!   
** HP** - _[ahem]_  
  
"_The Totally, Utterly Hush-Hush Society of the Half-Bloods:   
Going behind people's backs since 1042   
  
The sink opening next to the opening of the Chamber of Secrets,   
Hogwarts, Somewhere in the UK   
  
Are you a Half-Blood? Then come down and plot evil plots with us!   
Hosted by The Half-Blood Prince  
  
Present this card for half-off at our gift shop, now stocking collectable HBP socks._"   
  
** MC** - Meet you there tonight at midnight.   
** HP** - Eh, ok.   
  
_ [ that night ]_  
  
** Misplaced Percy** - HARRY! Are you going into the GIRL's bathroom, AGAIN?!?   
** HP** - What are YOU doing here? Didn't you graduate a few books ago?   
** MP** - Uh... see you for Christmas, Harry. I've forgiven my parents, don't you know. _[runs off] _  
** HP** - [shrugs and goes into the bathroom] Uh, how do I open this? _[tries to whisper in parseltongue to it] _Oopenn sayssss mee!   
** CoS sink** -_ [creeek...] _  
** HP** - _[parseltongue] _Nott youuu-hiss! Clooossse!   
** CoS sink** -_ [anti-creeek...]_  
** HP** - _[normal]_ Open up! _[bangs on sink]_  
** Sink next to CoS sink** - _[pleasant female voice]_ Please hold, your anger is important to us to quench. We will be with you momentarily.   
** HP** - ...   
** Bathroom door** - _[creeek...]_  
** HP** - I didn't say a thing in parselto - oh, it's the door.   
** Seamus** - _[walks in]_ Oh! Harry! I must be in the wrong bathroom. _[walks out then walks back in]_ No, this IS the out-of-order girls' bathroom. But where's Myrtle?   
** M Myrtle** -_ [suddenly appears, stretching] _What a fabulous swim in the lake that was! Oh! Visitors. Ah, Harry, hello. _[bats ghostly eyelashes]_ I didn't expect you tonight. You're not here with that wicked Granger girl, are you?_ [looks around angrily]_  
** HP** - Hermione? No...   
** MM** - Good. And you over there, who are you?   
** SF** - Seamus! Can't you ever remember me?   
** MM** - No. You must be too plain and boring to remember. Just another background character. **SF** - What does that mean?   
** HP** - steps into meaningless conversation Eh, back on topic, please. Seamus, why are you here?** SF** - Why are YOU here?   
**HP **- You say first.   
**SF **- No, you.   
**HP **- You!   
**SF **- You!   
**HP **- You!   
**SF **- You!   
**MM **- _[pulls pig-tails in frustration] _What awful commotion!   
** Me** - And it went on and on, my friends! Until...   
** Bathroom Door** - _[creeek....]_  
** HP** - Who's that?   
** Mysterious Character** - Ah, Harry, you're here. _[walks in and looks at the other guy] _Who are you?   
** SF** - Seamus! Broomsticks!, why can't anyone remember my name?   
** MC** - Uh huh. Good evening, Myrtle.   
** MM** - It would be a better evening if you just all left me alone to wallow in my own misery.   
** MC** - Indeed... Harry! Come, we're late already.   
** HP** - Late for what?   
** SF** - HE's our new member?   
** MC** - Of course, Whatsyourface. In fact, if I had it my way, he'd have been a member since day one. But alas, it was not to be.   
** HP** - Why not?   
** MC** - Didn't think we could trust you since you're so close to that Dumbledore man. But, ah, that has changed, has it not? Yes, of course it has. Come. You can come to, Whoeveryouare.   
** SF** - Seamus.   
** MC** - Quite. _[steps up to sink next to the CoS one and takes out his wand] _Abracadabra Alakazam!   
** Half-Blood sink** - _[creeek... open]_  
** HP** - I was wondering if those two words would appear somewhere soon.   
** MC** - Common yet perfectly obscure in our world. Now down the shoot, Harry. You, too, Nooneicareabout. I'll close it up.   
** HP & SF** - _[sliding down tunnel] _  
** MC** - _[enters tunnel a few feet after them]_ Mazakala Arbadacarba.   
** HB sink** - _[creeek... close] _  
** Tunnel down** - _[female voice]_ Welcome to The Totally, Utterly Hush-Hush Society of the Half-Bloods. Before you finish your slide down, let me give you a little history of the place. In spring 1042, construction was started on this tunnel by a group of friends known now only by their nicknames: Half-Dozen, Half-Mast, Halfway, and Half-Litre. They were all half-bloods who possessed the great gift of knowing of both the muggle world and the magical world. Thus they lived half of their lives in the former and the other half in the latter easily. For the first five years of the quartet's career in Hogwarts (the houses of the four are unknown), they got along rather well with the muggle-borns and the pure-bloods, but then things became a little uneasy. Half-Dozen and Half-Mast (the best of friends) had reached their last straw of the broomstick with the pure-bloods who all made so many stupid errors concerning muggles ("It's TELE-PHone, for God's sake!"), while Halfway and Half-Litre (also the best of friends) were just as angry at the muggle-borns who were still clueless over the magical world even after five years at Hogwarts ("Yes, they mean EVERY flavor beans!"). It didn't take long for the four to find others who were just as annoyed with the non-half-bloods as they were. Soon four had grown into a hundred or more, so the group decided that by the lake was no longer such an easy place to meet and grumble. It was Half-Litre who posed the idea of meeting in the Forbidden Forest, but the group soon realized that what with the crazed centaurs, dark lords, and other terrors that already lived within it, the forest was not a safe place to be at all. Then a Slytherin by the name of Raven Douglass suggested the bathroom where Salazar Slytherin had hidden the Chamber of Secrets. The four leaders agreed that it would do and work began (magically, of course) on digging a tunnel right next to the one Salazar had created ages (but not that many ages) ago.   
  
The next school year, the four friends and their cohorts returned to the tunnel they had finished the very last day of class only a few months before. During the summer, the students had passed word out to trustworthy non-Hogwarts-students of the meeting place and when they were questioned about transportation, the students provided portkeys that were scheduled to be activated every fourth Sunday of each month. The magical password was decided upon and thus the society had its first meeting Halloween 1042 (it was a total success, of course). These meetings were mostly concerning with how to place their members in key (no pun) locations for power in the magical and muggle worlds. It was their plan to unite the two worlds while doing as much positive-to-them damage as possible so as to insure that they would rule it forever. For fun, they also practiced back-stabbing a great deal so as to weaken their fellow wizards (though only the muggle-born and pure-blood ones). This was mostly done against muggle-borns as the society figured that pure-bloods would die out totally by 1500 due to lack of other pure-bloods to reproduce with.   
  
Shortly before the first year of The Totally, Utterly Hush-Hush Society of the Half-Bloods (the name voted on by the group, followed close behind by You-Know-What-If-You're-One-of-Us) came to a close, the four original friends had turned into the most horrible enemies. It began with Halfway finding out that the two he thought were his parents were not, or at least the muggle who he called Mum was not actually his mother. Instead, he was the son of his wizard father and a witch whom said father had had a saucy affair with. Half-Mast and Half-Dozen wanted to wipe his memory and kick him out, but Half-Litre, Halfway's greatest pal ever, saw that just living with a muggle "mother" and a wizard father made Halfway half-blood enough due to the fact that Halfway still knew just as much about the normal world as he did about the magical world, but the other two heard none of it. Then Half-Litre suggested that Halfway and he split off and create a new society, but Halfway heard none of it. The half-bloods had to stick together on this. He'd accept the memory erasing even if it meant that he would lose all his memories if it meant that the group could stay together. Half-Litre was furious that his friend was backing down so easily, and the two dueled for the honor of one. After three hours of matched skill, both managed to catch each other off-guard and thus both were hit with spells that created large burn marks all over their bodies. They rushed right off to the nurse's office, who had them both expelled for dueling on school grounds after she heard their story. Half-Mast and Half-Dozen thought this just as well, but the two still had their memories! As soon as school let out for the summer, the two went to find Halfway and Half-Litre to finish their mission.   
  
Halfway was sleeping silently when Half-Mast came and zapped his mind. Waking up in your own bed with the last six years (Half-Mast and Half-Dozen had decided that what was safest was to rid their rivals of all their school memories just to make sure that they didn't figure out what had happened) of your memory suddenly missing is an unnerving experience, especially when you didn't know why your parents were both furious at you for a reason you could not make out. Half-Litre was caught on his way out of his bathroom by Half-Dozen, who also managed to zap six years from the former's memory. Halfway and Half-Litre were thus forced to live out their lives in confusion under their real names, Fred and George (but it could have been Ronald and Harry, the records aren't very clear).   
** HP** - That's weird.   
** SF** - Hush! We're getting to the best part!   
** Tunnel** - Thus Half-Mast and Half-Dozen ruled together over their society until their deaths many decades later. Fred and George (or was it Ronald and Harry), however, lived out their own lives as janitors in the Ministry of Magic. Anyway, Half-Mast and Half-Dozen had decided somewhat earlier that instead of risking another "Halfway and Half-Litre Incident," that they would select only one successor, and also they would change the entrance requirements to make totally certain that the entrants into The Totally, Utterly Hush-Hush Society of the Half-Bloods were indeed half-bloods and loyal ones at that. Throughout the following decades and centuries, these requirements have grown so that the number of half-bloods in the society is only twice the number that are not.   
  
If you're wondering how such a society with so many outside members could function inside a heavily guarded school, well, we'll just say that it's not THAT heavily guarded. Every half-blood headmaster or headmistress (with only one or two exceptions) has been in the Society, and besides, no one's found the Chamber either, have they? That brings up another bookmark in the Society's history: You-Know-Who. Nine hundred short years after the opening of the society, one of our members by the name of Tom M. Riddle got it into his thick skull that half-bloods weren't so great after all. It was the pure-bloods (somehow, we still don't know exactly how, they had survived longer than we had first expected) that were the future rulers of the world (far-fetched, I know) and thus he began his plan to eradicate muggle-borns and (brace yourself) half-bloods from the school. He didn't get very far. One girl died (that Myrtle girl who haunts the bathroom you've exited from a while ago now) but that was all. Or so we thought.   
  
About thirty years later, Tom was back again in the form of You-Know-Who and was causing a big fuss in the magical and muggle (though they didn't really figure it out for what it was, bless them) world (new members should note that his means are a far cry from our own... The Totally, Utterly Hush-Hush Society of the Half-Bloods believes in force, but not via torture/death) for what seemed like ages. Our Prince (for that was what the successor of Half-Mast and Half-Dozen had grown to be called since 1242) decided to have a talk with him one night to remind him of the Society and how much it had meant to him when he was younger. Could he please, please spare it's members? The Prince was dead in seconds. Meetings were halted until further notice (though the Hogwarts student members still had one every so often) with the last one being for wishing everyone good luck in avoiding our little rebel. "Don't worry," our last-minute Prince replacement had said. "Our luck will turn. Just give it time. The Totally, Utterly Hush-Hush Society of the Half-Bloods will rise again!" No one believed him.   
  
But they really should have, because our luck did turn on our 939th anniversary of existence when little Harry J. Potter destroyed Riddle the Rebel. Our first meeting (with many of our number unfortunately missing) in almost a decade was held the next day and what a celebration we had! A little half-blood had saved us, which made it only the better. There was an almost unanimous vote to let little Harry in our Society right then and there, but just as soon as we said that, the boy had disappeared from our sight and the sight of the rest of the magical world. It was obviously the work of Albus Dumbledore, the current headmaster of Hogwarts, who we had mixed feelings about. While he had kept an eye on our young rebel, Riddle was OUR rebel to deal with. Still, we put this behind us and went on as always.   
  
About ten years later, we celebrate the entrance of young Potter into Hogwarts, yet due to his naivety over the magical world, the Society's strict requirements prevent him from being invited into the society. We spend most of the time watching the boy, but curious things are happening in the school. Just before the end of the school year, our rebel returns and attempts to kill our hero. By putting our strength together, we manage to assist the boy as much as possible. He survives, thankfully, but unthankfully, Dumbledore is interfering. We decide to turn a blind eye this time.   
  
The next year is only worse. Our spies discover a redheaded pure-blood girl messing around with the Chamber of Secrets next door, and while we would usually think nothing of it, we notice Potter and the other parseltongues in our midst complaining of hearing voices in the walls. As young Harry is hated by his classmates, we do some investigation and find that our young rebel seems to have returned. By preserving himself in a most strange way (in a diary, if you can believe it), Riddle has come back in his school-age form. With our secret help, Potter manages to defeat the rebel again, and all is well. The year after, the boy meets up with his pure-blood godfather, only fueling his open-mindedness even more. More close calls in his fourth and fifth years (no doubt you've heard of it from the papers) with the rebel (now in his real - yet hideous - form again), and Harry Potter is now probably as miserable as that ghost girl who haunts the bathroom you've exited a long while back. Cheer up, though. He'll be joining us soon. The Society will win! Watch your step on the way out of this tunnel. Have a nice evening.   
** HP** - What a long tunnel.   
** MC** - It just seems that way. You've actually just gone through a time warp. Our headquarters is only a few dozen feet further below than the Chamber of Secrets.   
** HP** - So much is centered around me and Riddle.   
** MC** - Isn't the whole world? Come on, Harry. You two, Otherguy.   
** SF** - Seamus. You're not even trying to get it.   
_[the three come to large metal double doors with a farm on the left and a pointed hat and wand on the right]_  
** MC** - _[taps it with wand]_ Hocus Pocus!   
** Big doors** -_ [sweeeh... bang!]_  
_[behind the doors is a large round table with hundreds of people seated around it with three empty chairs, two of them being on either side of a throne, also empty... almost all of the seats have small objects in front of them, such as teacups, ring boxes, and candles]_  
** Others there** - Harry Potter!   
** HP** - Hullo.   
** MC** - _[takes seat to the right of the throne] _  
** SF** - _[takes seat no where near the throne]_  
** HP** -_ [tries to move towards MC but is caught by the others and starts to shake hands with all of them] _  
** Misc person** - Good to meet you, Mister Potter.   
** Another one** - It's an honor.   
** And another** - Thank you for all you've done for us.   
** HP** - Mark Evans? What are you doing here? You're only a background character.   
** Mark Evans** - Hey! I might be a background character, but that doesn't mean that I can't join a secret society. Get off my case.   
** Another one** - The Prince is coming!   
** MC** - Harry! Come and sit down in the chair next to the throne!   
** HP** - _[follows orders and is blinded by a sudden puff of smoke and light to his right] _What the?   
** Smoke and light** - _[fades out to reveal the Half-Blood Prince ...] _  
** HP** - Agh! Ri - _[muffled by MC from behind] _  
** Prince** - Good evening all, but then again, it could be morning if you thought about it. _ [turns to left]_ Ah, young Potter, good evening to you especially. Please unmuffle him, Maynard.   
** SF** - Maynard? Pfft.   
** Maynard Craig** -_ [glares at Whoeverheis and releases Harry] _  
** HP** - -Dle! Riddle! Riddle!  
** HBP** - _[an older Riddle, mind you]_ Quite right, Harry, I'm Tom Riddle, but not the Riddle you know. The Riddle you know is out there _[passes hand through the air] _spreading evil. Ah, but though we are the same person, I am not him. I am the Riddle of the changed present. You see, if Voldemort did not exist, this is who I would be. Does that make sense?   
** HP** - I suppose.   
** HBP** - Then let's meet properly. Good evening, Harry. I'm Tom Riddle, your new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. _[holds hand out to shake] _  
** HP **- DADA? But the new DADA teacher this year is - CRASH!   
  
** HP** - _[wakes up in a shock and bolts up]_ Hedwig! Stop crashing your cage!   
** Hedwig** - _[glares at Harry] _  
** HP** - Wow, what a weird dream. Just getting to the good part, too. _[falls back asleep and dreams another dream]  
  
_  
Ta da! Hope you liked it. I know the end is a little rushed, but this was originally in an email and it was getting really, really long.   



End file.
